GOOD FOOD GETS ACHOLA ROSARIO GOING …
By Achola Rosario, Contributing Editor at www.ATCNews.org
(Posted 09th September 2021)
Being on the 11th floor of a building called Fortis Towers in Westlands with a retractable roof, comes with the kind of glam that you have to replicate. For once Nairobians were forced to come out in their most fashionable (and color coordinated) attire in order to match the surroundings. Flossing is the order of the day here, and if you don’t know what that means or how to do so, read on.
Brew Bistro is the location of this week’s escapades, where Instagram bunnies were in full swing and most of them actually ate the full spread brunch buffet, which is what we came to sample. It happens every Sunday from 11am to 5pm, where the food is unlimited, and you have several options as to your drinks limit, with a full bottle of Prosecco thrown in for the ultimate package, which is of course what yours truly was offered by management. Thank you Mr. Chan Chall, you are the best. There was plenty of meat, chops and sausages on the BBQ, noodles were being stir-fried in the corner, along with eggs how you want them (unfertilized preferably), and the king of waffle design in another corner that also sported shot glasses of Black Forest gateaux with a cherry on-top.
All chrome and wood with patches of Astro-turf in the VIP area where the roof unfolds like at the colosseum in Rome, and metal keg barstools by the bar, Brew Bistro is large club space with a thumping DJ, a micro-brewery and gastro-pub, where you get to sample a variety of ‘home-brewed’ craft beers on draft, if you are so inclined. They are part of the Big Five Breweries, whom according to their site, ‘is proud to combine the best ingredients and traditional brewing methods as per the Reinheitsgebot (German Purity Law) with modern ingenuity to revolutionize the craft brewing industry in East Africa by creating a fascinating, diverse and delicious array of truly exceptional craft beers brewed by our very own Master Brewer in Kenya.’ There were some Chinese who came solely for that purpose and downed trays of 5 different half liter beers like they were shooting tequilas. I did not envy their future hangovers.
But us ladies came for the cocktails, which were in plentiful supply. The same could not be said for the waiters however, and getting said drink/refill was a task in its own. Elegant waving could not get the attention of the 2 waiters and tequila girl run off their feet, nor the one standing in the middle of the room pretending that his invisible cloak was working. Therefore, one had to literally accost the waiter passing nearest to you as soon as you spot them and drink down the cocktail while they watch so that they can bring a refill. They will not refill you when you still have some alcohol in your glass. It was rather hilarious watching all the revelers get brain-freeze from the ice at the bottom of the glass as they sucked at the straw furiously to finish before the waiter moved on.
In between the waiter-polo and the endless eating was the posing and the Instagram/Snapchatting Tik Tok business that seems more serious than parliamentary debates. Novices like me will be happy to learn a few things on how to floss (definition: to show off like a socialite; synonymous with dentistry in the context of “detoothing”. Ugandans will understand). Get your pens out:
1- When eating, stuff your mouth just enough to be able to either side-push or swallow the food the minute you spot a phone swinging your way so you can be ready with your “royal smile”. Make sure you have nothing in the corners of your mouth and don’t show your teeth, in case there is something in them.
2- Point a body part in the general direction of the camera. These include shoulders, knees and toes, or lips, depending on the level of x-rating you are angling for. Also turn the phone horizontally (landscape) for video.
3- Two pretty faces in a picture are better than one so grab a “friend” for your “we are having fun” selfie. Don’t forget to introduce yourself to her later.
4- When the cocktails hit, close your legs.
5- Switch phone off and hide it in a safe place in your handbag before you hit the dancefloor. This avoids any embarrassing online videos and reduces chances of drunk-dialling your ex; both of which you will regret in the morning.
With those tools of survival, your chances of scoring at Brew Bistro, the place to “see and be seen”, will be over the halfway mark at the very least.
Thank me later. Greetings to Alex from South Africa. xx
A bottomless brunch goes for ($18), with one pint of craft beer/cocktail ($22), with unlimited draft beer ($30), with unlimited house cocktails ($35) and finally unlimited brunch with a bottle of prosecco/selected spirits ($65)
For more information:
To book a VIP table:
+254 700 913 006
To watch the FOMO Travel show EP75 Brew Bistro Beefeater Brunch: