National airline returns to Ugandan skies


April 01st 2013

Information was passed to this correspondent overnight that the Ugandan government, reportedly unsettled over the success story made by airlines in neighbouring countries, has decided to revive Uganda Airlines with a big bang, setting aside over a billion US Dollars from anticipated future oil revenues to purchase and lease a series of state of the art aircraft, kickstarting aviation in the country once more.

From a usually well informed source it was learned that at least six B787 Dreamliners will be bought off other airlines which had grounded this aircraft type as a result of Ion Lithium battery problems, something Uganda intends to have fixed overnight by technicians drawn from the Katwe entrepreneurial park, who will use their innovative Jua Kali approach to put the birds into the air immediately by substituting them with lorry battery packs fallen off the back of those very lorries.

Several short and medium range B737NG’s will also be delivered within days to start flying from Entebbe across the region and the continent, some of them featuring low stools and malwa pots to make travelers feel at home the moment they enter the cabin while others will feature open grills for fresh nyama choma.

A novel feature on the B787 Dreamliners will be special on board facilities to allow Ugandans to travel with their provisions, like a bunch of Matooke or two, while in the underfloor baggage area there will be special places to load goats or even cattle, allowing local travelers to have fresh milk, and perhaps even meat, at their destination, where they otherwise might lack such delicacies.

Crews were recruited from among those sitting regularly on Cloud Nine as they are clearly used to high elevations.

Watch this space for breaking April Fools Day news from The Pearl of Africa.

7 Responses

  1. What exhilarating news! Please book me on the inaugural flight aboard the dreamliner to cloud nine. Check is in the mail, dated April1.

  2. Nearly got me too! But I looked at the price and thought….hahahaha…Yeah right!

  3. I don’t think it’s true NRM gov’t has no capacity to invest such an investment of billions of money .